Things have been better recently (sp?). The other day my dad found my last journal entry and we talked. It was really cool.

I still feel a little discontented and a somewhat unsatisfied with where I am, but it's just driving me closer to God.

So here I sit, working on my math homework and wondering why a squared plus b squared has to equal c squared and why the force of gravity on earth is 9.8 newtons and why every object in freefall falls at 32 m/sec/sec excluding wind and air resistance and why when you mix hot and cold water together you get water that is roughly the average temperature of the two parts you put in. I know that stuff to be true, but I don't know why it is. I can test it and prove it, but I don't have any reasoning as to what the purpose of it is. I think sometimes God just makes things that way. I'm sure there's a reason that gravity is 9.8 newtons. (Anymore it'd be too tiring to move, any less and we'd be floating perhaps?) But I know it all works out. It's Romans 8:28 all over the place.

However, I know “…the kingdom of God does not consist in words but in power.” (I Corinthians 4:20, NASB)

So this week an influential person in my life and many other lives finally succumbed to the cancer that had been plaguing her for so long. And it's weird. She has a young daughter who's in 3rd grade and I don't know what... It's difficult to think about, but I know God has a purpose and a plan for it, but how's a 9 year old who just lost her mother going to get that? It's been crazy, because SO many people prayed for this woman. Yet God's will is always done. It confuses me beyond measure how we have free will, yet God is in control, but I guess that's just something else I'm not supposed to get. Yet I have faith. God is gonna make this work.

It's just that the path isn't easy. Jesus said so Himself. ‘“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.”’ (Matthew 7:13-14) It always just the right circumstances and surrender in our lives to get to the road. But I’m telling you now, it also requires courage. All too often it’s hard to find. But when you’re looking up the narrow path it can be sooooo intimidating. One thing we fail to remember its that God will not let us fall. He’s gonna be walking that difficult road with us holding our hands. Psalm 37 says:
“The steps of a man are established by the LORD,
And He delights in his way.
When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong,
Because the LORD is the One who holds his hand.”
I don’t know what anyone else believes, but I’ve seen this to be true in my own life.

And to sum this up “No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.” (I Corinthians 10:13)

That’s all for today, kids! I hope you learn from it!